Weight loss

'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the trails,
A Red Montero was stranded,
His progress like snails.
He had no shovels,
No rope and no winch,
No CB, no cell-phone,
To get out of his pinch.
When out from a mud pit,
There arose such a clatter;
All the other 'wheelers came running
To see what was the matter.
I saw some poor Red Montero
All covered in crud;
He had blown his motor
Getting free of the mud.
As he stood there I noticed
His glowing red face,
And I knew in an instant
He wanted out of this place.
I glanced at his roof,
It was all I could see;
He pleaded for help
From my winch and from me.
So I sprang to the front
Of my trusty old Zuki,
Spooled out the winch cable,
Said "Hook 'er up, Stupi!"
He went for a swim
In the watery hell,
And I laughed as he turned brown,
And started to smell.
He hooked up the cable
To his buried front hook,
I put a coat on the line
Like it says in the book.
I winched him out quickly,
A very fast session;
And I charged him a C-note,
To teach him a lesson.
I then drove my Zuk through
The same mud and same muck;
No problem for me,
Cause I had a REAL truck!
I rolled down my window
As I drove out of sight,
And smugly yelled "Next time TIM,
Stay home Christmas night!"