depressed
Hi everyone,
I will be 2 weeks post-op tomorrow, and I'm dealing
with a lot of feelings. I feel very left out and
alone. I feel like I'm not a part of my family because
I can't eat dinner with them. I feel like a freak, I
want to be able to eat one normal meal! I don't care
what size it is; even one bite of a normal meal would
be great. I have been on solid foods for a week. But
my surgeon does not allow any carbohydrates for the
first year. THERE IS NO MEAL IN THIS WORLD THAT DOES
NOT INCLUDE CARBOHYDRATES!!!!!! I didn't expect this
to be so hard. I feel hungry most of the time, and
when I'm not hungry I'm nauseous. I really doubt if I
did the right thing. I think part of my frustration is
I have not lost anything in the last 6 days!! I lost
almost 30lbs in the first week, but nothing since
then. It is really depressing. I feel like I have
ruined my life for nothing! I know I'm exaggerating,
but this is how I feel. I have had a very hard day.
How long until you felt you had made the right
decision? Did anyone else go thru this? I feel like
I'm going to fail, and will never eat normal again,
but will stay fat, and not lose any weight. I know
most people on this list say they would do it again in
a heartbeat, how soon until you felt that way????
Kami
Kami,
I've been in this e-group for a while & still haven't had my surgery,
but I stay encouraged. It seems that most everyone here had a horrible
time in the first few weeks & then they started feeling better. Since I
know this, I will mentally prepare for this knowing that better days
will come after the first few weeks. Keep your chin up. Soon you will
remember why you did this & be glad again.
Hi Kami,
I know exactly how you feel. I am 3 months post-op and I went
through what you are. From time to time, I still get that feeling,
but it isn't as bad as it was. The psychological part of this surgery
is the worst. All you want to do is eat as you did before, especially
when you make dinner for the rest of the family and it looks and
smells so good. But then I would stop and think what would happen if
I tried. I know I would end up getting sick. Or plugged up. In time
it does get better. I don't think I have ever dealt with anything as
hard as this, the change in eating habits, the crying of not being
able to eat normal, it is the loss of your best friend. The only
friend you have known for years. But think of all the new and better
things instore for yourself. How much more you will be able to do,
the clothes that you will be able to wear that you couldn't before, or
sitting at tables or booths at a restaurant that you couldn't sit at
before. That was a big thing for me. I would go to one just to see
if I could sit in one and not eat anything or maybe a little. No
meats, because I know they didn't like me. Fish, I can't even touch
now, and I loved it, but I will try again in the future. There are so
many things that I can do now and clothes just hang on me that are WAY
too big. I can run around the yard with my daughter and she loves it.
I am 101 pounds lighter than I was 3 months ago.
What I found satisfying to eat is veggie soup with cottage cheese, or
chicken soup. I get Cambell's healthy request. Cottage cheese I eat
like crazy. I also drink Carnation Instant Breakfast with no sugar
and it is pretty good. I have only found it in Chocolate though. I
mix it with 1% milk. From time to time I eat some solids, but afraid
of them. Afraid of getting sick on them.
Like my doctor told me, STAY OFF THE SCALE!!! I go on it or did go
on it every chance I got. At one point I had gained a pound and I
have no idea how, but it was off again in no time.
Like I said earlier, the psychological part of this is the hardest.
Don't give up. It does get better. Keep thinking of the outcome and
how good you will feel and look. I started out at 410 and now down
to 309 and NOT a bit regretful now. At first I was, like you. Like
the song says, Things can only get better!
God bless you Kami....keep your head high.
Denise
Start: 410
3 Months Post-Op: 101 lighter
Goal: None Set yet
TICKLED PINK AND HAPPY ABOUT IT ALL!!!
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
Thank you so much to everyone who has wrote wonderful words of encouragement to me! You are all wonderful, and very helpful. I would like to write each person who answered me, but I have not had the time yet! Thanks again
Kami
My husband had his surgery in May..........and the first 4-5 months were pure hell..........he was out sick so much that he got fired. we had problems with staples coming out.....dehydration and kidney stones........it was horrible........I regret him havign the surgery.......he still thinks it's the best thing since sliced bread. He has lost 170 pounds in 7 months........he now needs to gain weight because his metabolism is going overboard.......he eats several times a day....including 3 am.......... to me he looks alot older than he used to........one of the other posting boards i belonged to had a few people on there that their bodies couldn't adjust and everything just started shutting down........ there are alot of mortalities that the dr's don't mention.........
anyway........... who ever mentioned people not talking of the downside of this surgery.......you are 100% correct.......and anyone thinking of doing it...need to search out the people who have not had such a smooth transition.......... you need to get all the facts before doing this..........not just the bright side.
In a message dated 12/22/2002 9:18:12 PM Eastern Standard Time, nikkipsl@... writes:
one of the other posting boards i belonged to had a few people on there that their bodies couldn't adjust and everything just started shutting down........
Hi--could you give me the links to the "other posting boards" you refer too so that I can read about the complications. I am having surgery on 24 January.
When you say your husbands staples came out, do you mean his stomach staples or incision staples?
Erika
how is your husband now? Happy? Sick? what? It is a shame what happen to him. I am aware that going through this surgery there are risks to be taken I relized that if things go wrong they can go really wrong. I try not to concentrate on that because I want to be Postive this will work for me. I know it is not 100%. But is a choice everyong has to make. Thank you for wanting to inform those of us who dont relize the risk. I hope the best for your husband.
[INLINE] Maricha [INLINE]
geocities.com/mywlsprogress
Please do not write anymore. Thankyou.
Please do not write anymore. Thankyou.
--- "ichibon6999 <momsenlt@...
Hi,
I am having my surgery one month from today (24 January). At first when I read all the posts from the person who wrote "please do not e-mail me anymore, thank you"
I said Amen, sister :-) because I am so incredibly tired of reading all the negative comments about this surgery (very discouraging). I understand that people should be aware of all the complications and risks, but at times it can be so depressing to read especially when one is waiting for surgery. But I also understand the whole freedom of speech thing, so when I start to read the complaints and "downers" I just delete them. Thank god for the delete button.
Erika
Oooohhh, let's be careful what we say! I think Irene was trying to get off
the list, not replying to your post in particular (she responded to
everyone's post!).
You are right, we DO need to hear the good and the bad. Thanks for sharing!
Hugs,
Laura K in California
Lap RNY 11/5/02
265/238/? (-27#)
In a message dated 12/24/2002 7:20:15 PM Eastern Standard Time, momsenlt@... writes:
It is not a picnic, and people may need to
have months off of work and several trips to emergency to deal with
dehydration, etc. Plan accordingly. My daughter did not expect the
amount of downtime she has had. This is not being negative or
a "downer" it is being realistic.
Oh, I completely understand and I appreciate your wanting to educate. I am mentally already prepared for the worst and info such as yours really helps to educate us all. When I got pregnant I thought it was going to be a breeze. Seven months into the pregnancy I developed pre-eclampsia. I was hospitalized for a month and had to have an emergency c-section when my kidneys started to fail on me. Then the c-section became very infected and when the doctor removed the staples, it opened up on me. Back to the hospital for IV antibiotics and 2 months of home health care nurse visits to clean and pack the wound. Not to mention having to take care of a baby who was premature in the NICU which was an 1.5 hrs away from my home. Had I known all this before I got pregnant I still would have gotten pregnant! Now I'm perfectly fine and have a gorgeous 3 year old son (who is also perfectly fine).
If my mother were to post about my pregnancy, she would tell you all sorts of problems I had and warn everyone never to get pregnant. She wouldn't tell you that the stay in the hospital wasn't that bad (I was monitored closely), the c-section and its pain wasn't all that bad for me, and the home health care nurses taught me a great deal about how to take care of my son during their visits.
I think it takes great courage and strength to commit to this surgery and I for one am trying to stay positive. It is all I have to hold on to.
Erika
In response to your comment about not wanting to hear negative stuff,let me say that I heard very little negative stuff which is also very disconcerting.I am 5 months post op and all I heard was how great the surgery is, what an adventure blah blah blah.No one was honest to say the bad stuff, so when bad stuff happened to me I thought I was a freak. I think people need to hear the good and the bad, so that they can make educated decisions.This surgery is not a panacea, it is not for everyone, and its not all wonderful.If you can't bear to hear the truth both good and bad, then you aren't prepared to have this surgery in my humble opinion.
Ellen
7/24/02
240/167/130
Erika -
I am sorry you cannot read the bad with the good. I
agree that before my surgery I did not want to read
any bad thing that happened but I was glad I did
because it only helped me to realize any warnings that
I might of missed had I not known. Because I was
knowledgeable I was able to point out pains to the
nurse and she was able to take care of things. Had
someone not explained to me good and bad pains I might
of just passed that pain off as nothing. (Did that
make sense?) This surgery is a wonderful tool to have
but we must all remember this is major surgery and we
have to treat it like that. I wish you much success
with your surgery and just stay positive. I remember
the wait before surgery was hard and your brain thinks
in many directions. Just know we are all here for you
and will be praying for you on your surgery day.
Happy Holidays,
Jennifer
8/16/02
265/199/150
Hi - I have to agree with you on this. I am a firm
beliver that people need to be educated on this
surgery. We have to remember that not everyone goes
through all the problems your daughter has. My
recovery was a bit rough but I still would not change
my mind on having the surgery. I beleive your daughter
in the "why did I do this stage?" That is so normal -
I have been through it and everyone else I have talked
to. When people ask me for my opinion I give it to
them straight. Some dont like it and others appreciate
it. Just know I am praying for your daughter for her
speedy recovery. I was home from work for 6 weeks and
had the surgery done lap. If your daughter had open
then she probably will not be feeling all that great
for a couple more weeks but it does get better. We all
have to remain positive.
Jennifer
8/16/02
265/199/150
In a message dated 12/25/2002 2:51:46 PM Eastern Standard Time, jennifer_a_lincoln@... writes:
I am sorry you cannot read the bad with the good.
Hi--I think everyone has completely misunderstood me. I have been researching this WLS for about two years (two years EVERY DAY reading and researching). I have talked to countless people about this surgery, participated on many WLS message boards, and have read everything I can get my hands on--good and bad! I am fully aware of all the complications. Every complications I have read about to understand what it all entails. I can tell you everything you want to know about any complication from this surgery. I guess at this point I am just sick and tired of reading and researching and I guess that was the point I was trying to make. After 2 longs years of researching and reading I guess I'm just fed up and want the surgery to be over with. I'm fed up with all the e-mail I get from all the different groups I belong to on this subject, I am fed up about talking about it, I am simply fed up. My surgery date is 24 January. Whatever happens happens. Case close.
Stick a fork in it, it is done!
Thanks,
Erika
Laci - you have a great outlook. Keep up the wonderful
spirit!
Amen on that i had a success story and iam so happy i had the surgery i
believe its all in the surgeon thats where you should do research. Tawnya
Hi Kami,
I know exactly how you feel. I am 3 months post-op and I went
through what you are. From time to time, I still get that feeling,
but it isn't as bad as it was. The psychological part of this surgery
is the worst. All you want to do is eat as you did before, especially
when you make dinner for the rest of the family and it looks and
smells so good. But then I would stop and think what would happen if
I tried. I know I would end up getting sick. Or plugged up. In time
it does get better. I don't think I have ever dealt with anything as
hard as this, the change in eating habits, the crying of not being
able to eat normal, it is the loss of your best friend. The only
friend you have known for years. But think of all the new and better
things instore for yourself. How much more you will be able to do,
the clothes that you will be able to wear that you couldn't before, or
sitting at tables or booths at a restaurant that you couldn't sit at
before. That was a big thing for me. I would go to one just to see
if I could sit in one and not eat anything or maybe a little. No
meats, because I know they didn't like me. Fish, I can't even touch
now, and I loved it, but I will try again in the future. There are so
many things that I can do now and clothes just hang on me that are WAY
too big. I can run around the yard with my daughter and she loves it.
I am 101 pounds lighter than I was 3 months ago.
What I found satisfying to eat is veggie soup with cottage cheese, or
chicken soup. I get Cambell's healthy request. Cottage cheese I eat
like crazy. I also drink Carnation Instant Breakfast with no sugar
and it is pretty good. I have only found it in Chocolate though. I
mix it with 1% milk. From time to time I eat some solids, but afraid
of them. Afraid of getting sick on them.
Like my doctor told me, STAY OFF THE SCALE!!! I go on it or did go
on it every chance I got. At one point I had gained a pound and I
have no idea how, but it was off again in no time.
Like I said earlier, the psychological part of this is the hardest.
Don't give up. It does get better. Keep thinking of the outcome and
how good you will feel and look. I started out at 410 and now down
to 309 and NOT a bit regretful now. At first I was, like you. Like
the song says, "Things can only get better!"
God bless you Kami....keep your head high.
Denise
Start: 410
3 Months Post-Op: 101 lighter
Goal: None Set yet
TICKLED PINK AND HAPPY ABOUT IT ALL!!!
I hope you are improving. You are not alone, my daughter had this
surgery on 17 November, has been to emergency many times due to
dehydration, pain, and the last time yesterday for possible
pancreatitis, she also is very discouraged and cannot keep anything
down. She regrets this surgery. I hope with time she will improve.
Goes back to the doctor for more tests tomorrow. People don't seem
to want to talk about the downside to this surgery, but it is real
and it is terrrible to deal with. Don't want to depress you, just to
let you know that you are not alone with your doubts and feelings.
tough. I never really experienced the regret part so many do, so I
can't help you there...but I did try to make sure that the family
meal consisted of good proteins I could eat with them. I would make
up pork cube steak (steamed to be very tender) and potatoes and green
beans (for example). I'd have a bit of meat and a smidge of green
beans and enjoy talking to the kids for the first time in ages during
dinner. It wasn't a food fest! How wonderful. My kids loved
it! If your surgeon is REALLY strict and doesn't allow even
vegetable carbs, have some meat and call it good - not that I could
do that. I think I'd ignore him haha. NOT suggesting you do that
though! I make chicken with broccoli and pasta in cheese sauce and
just pick out the chicken and broccoli for my plate. It's only an
issue if you make it an issue. My surgeon allows us to drink up to
within 15 minutes of eating so I make sure I drink some water before
dinner. Helps with my not getting nauseated.
smooth out for you soon.
My email was not addressed to you. If you do not wish to read
the truth then I suggest you don't read any more email from me.
People need to know the truth about this type of surgery, and that
everyone does not have the "Al Roker experience". I certainly think
that first amendment freedom of speech especially applies to these
boards.
--- In
I am not suggesting that people should not have the surgery.
People just need to have realistic expectations regards the body's
response to this surgery. It is not a picnic, and people may need to
have months off of work and several trips to emergency to deal with
dehydration, etc. Plan accordingly. My daughter did not expect the
amount of downtime she has had. This is not being negative or
a "downer" it is being realistic. My daughter is over a month out
and could not possibly go back to work yet. Will not be able to for
at least another month. People need to know this so they can
plan.... You have not had surgery yet, so do not know. My daughter
has had the surgery, and I know. There are others out there who may
benefit from this info. As I said before, everyone does not have the
Al Roker experience.
Thank you for your comments. I think more folks that have had this
experience need to speak up. I speak for my daughter because she is
so sick she is rarely out of bed and is also hesitant to speak
because she thinks if you say anything negative people jump all over
you. So I am speaking for her.
I'd like to weigh in (pardon the pun) on this debate regarding the
pros and cons of gastric bypass surgery. Having had my own lap
surgery only 7 weeks ago, I probably have the perspective of
a "newbie," and that may be of some help. I had to wait 7 months
for my surgery, and go through much testing, similiar to the tests
we've all done. One of my best friends waited for over a year, and
had her open surgery 2 weeks before I did. We've both had
complications. My friend's suture line opened in two places when
they took the staples out, and she has visiting nurses coming into
her home twice a day. Her leave from work is long over, and her
vacation/sick leave time is up, so her family is without her
paycheck. She hopes to be back at work in late January. My own
recovery has been complicated by much vomiting. They did an
endoscopy last week and found a stricture, which they dilated. I
have to have all of that done at least once more next month. My own
incisions have healed beautifully. So, that's the negative. On the
positive side, my friend has lost 50 pounds and I've lost 38 thus
far. I weighed myself this morning, and something amazing happened.
For the first time in forever, I didn't have to lean over my stomach
to see the scale, because my stomach wasn't in the way! That was a
cool feeling! For me, the hardest part is the "head hunger." I
still want to eat for all the reasons I used to overeat: loneliness,
depression, boredom, even in celebration. I have to find creative
ways to handle these emotions now, for example, I've already
finished crocheting one afghan and I'm starting another! I also
read alot, and my skin is getting dry from all these bubble baths!
Would my friend and I do it again? You bet. Is it always fun?
Nope. But, we've both signed on to this, and the goal is a new life,
which is happening even as we speak. This year for me, no Christmas
cookies and candies. Next year, probably very few, but wait til I
buy my party dresses! Life is a trade-off, we all know that. We're
changing our lives drastically, and it's not always going to be
easy. I'm banking on the fact, though, that it will be worth it!
For those of you who haven't had the surgery, please do get the
facts. For those of us who are on the "other side," let's remember
why we put ourselves through this and look forward to better times!
Good luck to you all on your own personal journey! Laci
I am so sorry to hear of all of the problems your daughter is having
but you also need to understand something. Preparation and recovery
have everything to do with you and your doctor. YES there is most
definately a death rate associated with this surgery! YES most of us
who look into this and do this know this. It's a risk we choose to
take. I took the risk because I KNEW if I didn't I wouldn't have much
of a life the way my life was going. RESEARCH not only the procedures
but your doctor as well!!! My surgeon has never lost a patient and
for very good reasons. I'm sorry your daughter feels if she speaks
out she will get jumped on BUT for as much as you want people to know
the negatives, some of us want people to know the positives. I don't
think anyone goes into this blindly, without knowing all of the
risks. It's a major change and you have to work your body and mind up
to the changes BEFORE the surgery as well as after. I guess I am very
fortunate to have what you call "An AL Roker experience". But I was
mentally AND physically prepared for this. I had open rny which is
the most invasive surgery. I was in the hospital for only one night
and back to work after 2 weeks. I could have gone back after one if I
absolutely HAD to. If people think that their lives are going to be
the same they are wrong. This is not glamorous or feminine or
anything close to it but it is 98% of the time a life saver. I am so
sorry for all of the people who are having problems, I know it's not
easy and everyone handles it differently. BUT I have also seen you as
you say "jump" on others for feeling good, positive or simply making
a mistake in her replies to the message board. ALL we want to do here
is help each other, support each other and be here for each other
with hopefully good helpful advice whether is be good or bad. It's
hard enough that we get opposition and opinions from everyone else in
the world who know NOTHING about the surgery but think they do
because they have "heard" or someones cousins brothers nephew had
that problem. THATS why we come here to help each other, because we
understand each other! Not to be angry or jump on each other or hurt
each other. I'm sure most of us can find that anywhere else.
And to the girl who said she's had enough and she's having the
surgery, case closed..GOOD FOR YOU GIRL! You do what you have to do.
Only you know what is right for you.
I'm sorry if this came across harsh or angry or mean. I know you mean
to be helpful but please, at least be nice about it.